Boudoir

Boudoir

I did it.


Something happened when I turned thirty. Things fit a little differently. And because in my head I still considered myself to be in my twenties, I knew all I had to do was workout and eat right. Right?

So I did that for a while and I lost an acceptable amount of weight and inches. That brought me to last summer. I was in the best shape I'd ever been post babies. I felt good, not deprived, and proud of myself. 

Then the fall hit. And so did the pumpkin bread. It happened slowly. I stopped being careful about what I was eating. I stopped working out. And things got a little tight again.

I looked to my other friends around my age thinking - We're giving this up, right, girls? We're not really going to keep working out all the time. We're in our thirties!

But, no. My friends just kept getting hotter and thinner. It's true. They were exercising and eating right. I was baking shit in yoga pants.

Then summer was in my face again. And for some reason it had become even harder to keep weight off. All I kept hearing is my mother's nagging voice was, "It'll get harder in your thirties!"

Shush!

It is harder. Because I'd rather eat pumpkin bread than spinach.

But my husband was okay with me. Shouldn't I be okay with me? I'm not overweight by any means. I'm just...normal. There's a little here and a little there I don't like but is it worth the headache and scale induced bad day? 

A few months ago a friend of mine who just happens to be an amazing photographer decided to start doing Boudoir photos. I was really intrigued because I've always wanted to do them for my husband. But there was no way I could do them the way I currently looked. But I was still interested and thought maaaaaaybe I could pull it off.

And then another friend of mine decided to get photos done for her husband. After seeing her pictures and how beautiful and thin she looked the first thought that popped into my head was - I can't do this. There is no way. I don't look like that. 

I told my husband about the photos and that I had thought about it and decided not to do it. I couldn't. I didn't feel like they'd look good.

So he said to me, "I want you to do the pictures because I want you to see yourself the way I see you."

Everyone all at once...AWWWWWWW!

Silently, I decided to do it. I wanted to challenge myself. I have a defiant nature in that if someone tells me no I find a way to get to yes. Even if that someone is myself. I not only decided to go through with the photos, but I also picked up the phone and made an appointment so I couldn't back out. The deal was done.

As soon as I booked the appointment I decided I'd start eating better. I WILL NOT EVER deprive myself. But I was smarter about the food choices I made. I drank a lot of water, too. Like double the amount I normally drank.

I didn't work out really hard. I didn't on purpose. I didn't diet. That, too, was on purpose. The reason was that I wanted my shape. I wanted my curves. This whole thing was not only a present for my husband but also a present for me. It was about accepting myself and my body that created three beautiful children.

And then I did it. 


And just like that everything changed. I saw myself in those pictures and I didn't see the parts I wanted to get rid of. I didn't see an unattainable body that I starved myself to get. I saw the woman who gave birth to three kids, likes pumpkin bread, bakes likes a mofo, and looks pretty damn good doing it.

It was a life changing experience and I couldn't have asked for a better photographer. She did an amazing job and I never would have done this were it not for her.

So here's to defiance. Even if you're defying yourself.


24 comments:

  1. Wow Shauna you look stunning. You should be proud, I am a Mum of 2 and I would never want to erase all the evidence of the miracle of creating them form my body. You got it so right, make healthier choices, drink lots of water and look at yourself with love. Happy Sharefest

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  2. Your pictures are beautiful!! I love that you went for it.

    I think it can be hardest (and often more important) to defy ourselves.

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  3. Wow these photos are goooorgeous! You look stunning! If this is what defiance can make you look like, I am going to defy too :)

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  4. Shauna, you are beautiful and these pictures just accentuate that. I wish I was brave enough to have some made. What a great photographer too. I love the shots and they are tasteful and artful. :)

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  5. That's awesome!! You look amazing! So happy for you that you did this for yourself! I give you major props for defying you and doing this : )

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  6. Go You! The pictures are beautiful...I've always wanted to do those as well but I just haven't gotten up the nerve yet. Thanks for the shove of encouragement though...perhaps sooner rather than later? :)

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  7. What beautiful pictures! I've been wanting to do this as well, but haven't because of "weight" issues. I need to defy myself and go for it!

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  8. I know my husband would LOVE something like this...it just seems so awkward! I'd have to find a photographer I really liked and trusted, that's for sure! Thanks for the inspiration- visiting from the ShareFest

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  9. You look great and I'm sure it will motivate you to keep going and keep up the good work.
    Your husband is really cute for saying that to you! That was great motivation.

    Keep it Touched,
    KG
    www.kgstyleblogs.com

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  10. Love it. There would have to be a good amount of airbrushing happening for me to do it, but I like you tactics. Maybe I'll book it so I have to push myself a bit.

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  11. Hi from SIS Sharfefest! Those are beautiful photos! I've been having my own body image issues since entering my 30's (and having two kids, a desk job, and my weakness is chocolate chip cookies). Boudoir is an idea I've been kicking around myself but haven't actually done it. I think you may have just inspired me to book my shoot. Thanks for the post!!

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  12. Go you for doing this!!! I've been wanting to do them but always chickened out and thought, "I'm not in good enough share." I think I may do them soon for my hubby though. You look gorgeous!

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  13. You look great. And honestly, I'd do it too!

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  14. Wow! A) You look absolutely GORGEOUS in those pictures. Stunning. and B) What a great reminder for every woman out there who is beating herself up for her butt being too big or jiggly arms....the little things that we don't like but things that certainly don't make us any less of a person. THANK YOU for sharing this story with us :) Stopping by from SITS Sharefest!

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  15. First off, you look amazingly gorgeous as always in these pictures! You rock! Secondly when are we getting together next!? :-)

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  16. So beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing this post. Your honesty is so refreshing, and I can definitely empathize with you :) I found you from SITS Sharefest, and I'm glad I did!

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  17. Good for you! You looks amazing and I'll bet part of the reason is that you feel so comfortable in your skin! Happy ShareFest!

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  18. That's really cool. I'm totally that girl that doesn't wear a bathing suit to the beach because I have a baby belly but my baby is 6 now. It is great to be proud of what we look like no matter what, even after babies & all. The pics came out great. Good for you doing that.

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  19. I love this! I want to do a boudoir session some day, for myself. You look awesome and I'm glad you decided to do it!

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  20. Shauna you look gorgeous! I too went through the not-so-lovin my body thing - when I turned 40. But, like you, I LOVE me some sweets. I love to bake, especially during the Holiday season. I start baking in like, September - all the way to New Years. AND I eat what I bake! My family loves it and so do I. Am I as skinny as some of my friends? NO. Am I worried about it? NO!! I try to live a healthy lifestyle otherwise - but I like the way you put it: I will not deprive myself. And neither should you!!

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  21. I love your post. Women are incredibly hard on themselves, and I love that you did the boudoir shoot without depriving yourself of food you enjoy.

    I found your post through Napoblomo and I am so glad I did! :)

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  22. Just stunning! Very brave thing you did and I commend you fully! Maybe one day, I'll do this... for myself. LOL

    We are our own worst critics and as to compare oneself to another is the cruelest form of punishment!

    I found you via NaBloPoMo!

    New follower!

    www.jaimelovesstuff.com

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  23. You are so brave and so beautiful! I have wanted to get a shoot done for me and mine before we start having a children (albeit a ways away still) and have the same fears as you did but you're so very right! Our husbands find us beautiful and God finds us flawless, why can't we?
    Ah, thank you! You have reinspired me to dig deep and get them done!

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  24. You look gorgeous in these photos! Aren't you so glad you did it? I'm still getting used to my post-baby body in my 30s. This was such an awesome post!

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