The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Where Everything Is About Theresa

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Where Everything Is About Theresa



It's Sunday night. 

You know what that means...

IT'S TIME FOR MY FAVORITE BALL OF TRASHY TV TO HIT THE BRAVO AIRWAVES!

That's right, Luvahs. My New Jersey Housewives were on tonight.

Okay, so I didn't blog about them last week. Everyone was dying over it, I'm sure. But I was just so disgusted by that stupid fight at Gia's party I couldn't even blog about it. Any scenario that involves Gia being smarter than everyone in the room really turns me off. Or having full segments that revolve around the kids. It's either dreadfully obnoxious and mind numbing or it's just too sad to snark.

Moving on.

Tre-lissa

Sometimes I think Theresa and Melissa are so similar that they're the same person and that's why they can't get along. So Theresa was on a show so Melissa needed to be on the show. Theresa had a book deal that she turned into like three best sellers and now Melissa gets a book deal. I think I might be annoyed if I was the sister in law of either of those two.

Melissa wants to write a "marriage bible." And she doesn't want to get too personal and talk about unpleasant things like her father's infidelities. But she'll talk about them on national television so...

Triceps

Jacqueline has her personal trainer over but she tells her up front that she doesn't feel like working out. And correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this the one that came over last season intoxicated? Anyway, she seems like she's trying to get Jacqueline to focus on triceps but Jacqueline just really wants to talk about...Tre! This is totally shocking, right? Formally intoxicated Personal Trainer lady seems annoyed by the whole thing but manages to get a squat out of Jac. But not without having to endure more Tre talk.

Angry Italian Mom Balls

The Manzo boys are starting a restaurant. An Italian restaurant. What?! Crazy. But what happened to Blk. Water? Will they be serving Blk. Water? And did Al Manzo really suggest grilled cheese sandwiches in the form of Uncrustables? And why does Albie look so bored. Oh, we're told that's a "serious" face. Gotcha.

Salud

There's a party for Richie and his nineteen year old daughter that requires a party Winnebago for transport. During the party Caroline kind of calls out Melissa for having some partial responsibility in the whole mess. But, of course, Melissa insists she's the innocent party. One thing Caroline sweepingly mentions is that Melissa runs back to Joe with everything. Truth.

Caroline breaks the news that Tre is incapable of a relationship with either Kathy or Melissa and they seem surprised. Really? They haven't spoken in a year. Why is this surprising? Caroline mentions the comment Kathy made about Tre's dad at the reunion, which she already apologized for. But if we know Tre, and we do, it's never completely over, is it? Apology or not.

Rosie is kissing girls again. She drinks. Then she flips out over news about Tre. Richie says, "Salud," and dips. He don't want none of that.

Then Caroline says the statement of the century - "This family is such a mess!" Um, yeah! And, hello, Kettle? You're black! Or, I mean...you're Blk.

I'll spot you.

Tre is working out hard core with a full face of makeup and hair extensions. I mean, is there any other way to work out? The answer is obviously no. She spots her bro and decides to go spot him. This is what I find so endearing about Tre. Even when she's super angry, she can flip the switch and act like nothing ever happened. The key word there is "act." 

So she's spotting her brother after not seeing him for a whole year. They start talking about working out and then immediately start talking about the ridiculous visit/non-visit of Melissa to her father in law in the hospital. I'm so tired of this argument. It doesn't even matter! It's just basically a reason for Tre to be mad at Melissa. Tre starts telling Joe G. about his wife and the same ol' stuff. She accuses Joe G. of being "pussywhipped" and my question is are we not editing this type of talk anymore, Bravo? Where are my bleepity-bleeps?!

Then Joe G. accuses Tre of not being able to cook. I don't get it. She has cookbooks but she can't cook? Do you have to be able to cook to use your mom's recipes? It doesn't really matter.

C U Next Tuesday

But then...BUT THEN...Joe G. drops the bomb on his sister and brings up the C U Next Tuesday comment. The punch in the stomach heard 'round the world. He also questions Joe Guidices' treatment of his daughters and his wife. This is when Tre starts to go crazy, pours water all over him, and books it, yelling, "Go Scratch!" That's like the fourth time I've heard someone say that this season. Hello. It's 1950.

I thought what Joe did was mean. But I get it. He was doing to her what she is always doing to him. The exact same thing. He said he was giving her a taste of her own medicine and that he was. But I don't think it works if she doesn't get it.

Tell tale signs that Theresa is about to lose it/full of crap/cornered:


  • Her voice gets really high.
  • She starts to act out her words and give description that have nothing to do with anything ("I see through Melissa like I see through this water bottle!")
  • She's tongue tied.
  • She repeats "Are you kidding me?!" over and over.
  • She yells, "I'm done with this!" and books it.

Why do I know all this? Because every episode is about Theresa. The NJ Housewives should thank her for still having a show to be on.

See you next week! More yelling from Rosie to come. $1 for every time Tre says Are you kidding me?!





3 comments:

  1. Um, I love that you are posting about this show. I freaking love it. This season it is so apparent to me that Melissa is just as crazy if not more than Teresa. Its annoying how perfect she thinks she is. Love it!
    XO

    ReplyDelete
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  3. Ok... ok. I think I've only read one of your other recaps. You do a great job.

    I don't think Caroline is nearly as crazy as Theresa and her family. She at least can open up and say, we've all done things we've done to each other and we are still working on it. On the other hand, the G-clan all claims that they are the victims and everyone else does something to them.

    But what can you do with Tre? You can't be honest, you can't hit below the belt, you can't just ignore her (like Joe was trying to do in the gym)... she just keeps coming back. If you ignore her, there's a problem, if you come around, she's bringing up stuff that doesn't matter. It's none of her business when Melissa visited her dad.

    It actually saddens me how much everyone on the series talks about Tre constantly on camera. I'm sure that's not every conversation, but dang, is there nothing else to talk about in Jersey?

    ReplyDelete

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