So Over the Mommy Wars

I'm So Over the Mommy Wars

I wrote this maybe two weeks ago and didn't publish. After reading through, I realized that maybe I wrote it to my future self. So I'm publishing it.

Because I need to take my own advice sometimes.


You know what I'm a little tired of?

Mommy wars.

I don't know. Maybe it's just me but I'm a little tired of everyone guilting everybody else into mothering a certain way. It goes all ways.

Breastfeeding versus bottle feeding. Staying at home versus working. Co sleeping versus "Cry It Out". The list goes on and on. And, frankly, I'm tired of the complaining.

This is the thing...


If you are secure in your decisions as a mother why keep up the debate?

I'm a huge breastfeeding proponent. HUGE! I was that mom in my early years as a mother shouting from the rooftops that I can feed my child anywhere I want and breast is best! I was that mom.

Do I still think breast is best? Yup. That won't ever change unless a breastfeeding mom is on drugs, which is obviously not safe for anyone. But I have simmered down. I do know there is a gray area and that some women have trouble and it can be really difficult. I get it.

The difference between then and now is that I'm not looking for a discussion unless I'm asked. If you want to feed your baby formula, go right ahead. It's hard enough being a new mom, the last thing anyone needs is an extra dose of guilt!

(Although, I still might give you the stink eye if you give me the I Just Didn't Feel Like It excuse.)

What I don't understand is why everyone is looking for a debate. If you are secure in your decision, why is there a debate in the first place?

I've been involved in several discussions about breastfeeding versus bottle feeding where I was the only breastfeeder. Not for a hot second did I feel less than or insecure about my decision. I mean, I've heard my share of just pure ignorant, idiotic statements about breastfeeding, but I've never felt I needed to defend my position. Educate, maybe. But, not defend.

The same goes for being a stay at home mom. I've been a working mom, I've been a working, single mom, and I'm now happily a stay at home mom. I have received questions and quizzical facial expressions wondering why in the hey-ell I would stay home with my kids after spending so much time and money on a degree.

I admit, I felt defensive. Or, I actually felt more like somebody needed a punch in the face. As if my children and my motherhood weren't worth putting the use of my college degree on hold.

Again, I get it. The blood boils and you feel the need to defend.

Don't. You don't have to defend yourself. Be secure in your decisions. If you decide to formula feed, co sleep, water birth, cloth diaper, or call your kid Bonanza, will I judge you? Probably. But why do you care? I don't live your life. Do what you want. Do what gets you through the day.

Be secure in your decisions. There's no need for a debate. And there's certainly no reason for drawn out facebook rants and message board bitch fests bashing other mothers.

The know it all in me believes that when you know better you do better.

But the lazy mom in me says if CPS wouldn't come out for this, maybe we better mind our business.


  1. I think the message boards... and Pinterest cause most of the Mommy Drama and competitions. I never hear debates in real life or get questioned. But online, people show only their best moments and get on tthe is Super Phony Mommy Pants.

  2. AMEN! I beastfed the first 4 months and got mastitis and was producing WAY too much milk. Long story short I went to solely pumping. I've actually had people criticize me for that because "it's not the same". I've also had multiple people talk about how obnoxious I am because I don't use cloth diapers. Absolutely infuriates me!! Women can be so mean and judgemental

    1. I always admire women who have to resort to exclusively pumping or have to pump at all on a semi permanent basis. I had to do that for a few months and let me tell you...there is nothing enjoying about pumping! So anyone who sticks with it for the health of your baby, hats off to you!

  3. Very well said! I also agree with Dana, I feel like these debates always get escalated on the internet, where people can hide behind their screens and perfect personas. You have to do what's best for you and your children, and be confident in those decisions. Sometimes it's hard to accept that if something doesn't directly affect you, it's not worth getting yourself upset over it.

  4. I'm glad someone is pointing out that a lot of these debates stem from insecurity. I'm a mom to a preschooler and a newborn, which I feel like are two ages where the mommy wars are huge (how you are feeding and clothing you newborn to how you're schooling your preschooler). I know when I start to open my mouth and want to talk about how *I* do something, I realize nine times out of ten it's coming from a place of feeling lesser than. Then I close my mouth. I wish moms (and women in general) could just get behind one another and be more empathetic.

    1. Exactly the essence of this post. It stems from insecurity! A college professor once said that when something makes you mad or agitated, question it. Question its roots. It's inside of us, not the offender.

  5. I'm with you. Stop picking on women, women! Some moms are LOOKING for a debate. I'm secure in my decisions, and I don't ever engage in debates with momzillas.


  6. A-Freaking-Men! I feel like anytime I read any article about some kind of parenting practice, the comments turn into a flamewar. I have my opinions, but I keep them to myself. I feel like if I ever say anything about how I parent, people take that as an opportunity to tell me why I'm wrong. It's ridiculous! I have some strictly-information based posts coming up, and I'm so nervous about people taking that as license to slam others. Hopefully not!


  7. AMEN! I am the mother of four and I am not a stereo typical mom by any means, I parented all four of my children the same (yet different) I feel I learned as I went, with my first I was a lot more up tight. I have always felt judged but figured as long as my children were happy, healthy and I was happy with the choice I was making, well then that was good enough. Thank you so much for posting this!

    1. You're welcome! And thank you for commenting! Great job on the kid raising. Parenting the same but different. I like that.


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