The Bachelor: The Tale of the Uncontrollable Eyebrow

THE BACHELOR

The Tale of the Uncontrollable Eyebrow


Finally! A tropical destination!

Hello, St. Croix.

We open this episode with Sean telling us about how he's breaking more rules or something. I've heard this before and I have to ask, what are the Bachelor rules again?

Don't answer that.

Let's state the obvious, shall we? Tierra is still there. Tierra is NOT friends with girls who like her boyfriend. Her words. Fair enough. That's not irrational...yet. But, because she's not friends with anyone, she has decided she'd rather bunk in the living room on a pull out cot.

We find out that three of the girls will get one on one dates with Sean. AshLEE is the first to receive her second one on one date to which Tierra chants, "Cougar's back in town!" because AshLEE is all of thirty-two years old.

Ahem, those are fightin' words, Tierra.

Hey, did you know AshLEE is adopted? Because if you forget she'll tell you again in five minutes. Cue the interview about abandonment issues, feeling wanted, trusting, and more noise.

During AshLEE's date she breaks it down for Sean. She says, "Look, Idiot. Tierra is evil and she hates everyone and her eyebrows are their own person and she has an upside down cross on her forward."

Not really. But she clued him in.

Cut to Sean and AshLEE doing Bacheloresque things like rolling in the sand, kissing in the ocean, the things the Bachelor is made of.

They are then having dinner and AshLEE has a confession! What is it? She has a secret child? She's a drug addict? She's really Tierra? She was adopted?

She was married at seventeen.

This "confession" made me like her a little less because of it's lack of importance to anything. And, by the way, what is with all these confessions? You only get, what, ten minutes with the guy and you decide to tell him the worst moments of your life and hope he doesn't run? To Sean's credit, he looked like he was about to bust out laughing.

Oh, yeah, and she jumps up on a chair a la Tom Cruise on Oprah and screams, "I love Sean!"

Lame. End date.

Tierra finally gets her one on one. And it's with Sean exploring the culture and town in St. Croix. Sounds like fun, right? Not for Tierra. She immediately commences complaining about how her eyebrow will chase her makeup off her face and it's sticky and hot and more whining.

Sean ends up taking her shopping and buying her "the most amazing gifts anyone has ever bought her." Homegirl has never seen a sea shell necklace or a silver bracelet?



Then, totally by chance (eye roll), they come upon a parade of bright island colors, music, and dancing. Tierra and Sean start dancing amongst the stiltman and Sean says she is fun. Fun as in crazy?



Sean finally asks Tierra about her relationships with the girls in the house and Tierra concedes that it
doesn't really matter because those girls will be gone soon. Would that make it premeditated murder?

Tierra senses a distance from Sean but still decides to tell him she is falling in love with him. Shocker.

The group date included Catherine, Desiree, and Lindsey.

Sean decides to surprise the girls before sunrise while they're still sleeping so he can take pictures of them without makeup. I'm about 100% sure that was a guy's idea because it is terrible like Tierra. He then takes the grimy girls to watch the sun rise.

After the sun comes up they road trip it to a sugar mill and then a tree house. Des is all over that one. They end the date with swimming. Bet they wish they got to shower and shave before this dive. Amiright, ladies?

It's also time for another confession. Catherine again. She confesses that if Sean comes to meet her family, Dad won't be there because he tried to commit suicide in front of her and her sisters. How many bad things have happened to this girl? But, oh, look! It's a dolphin! What?!

Somehow Lindsay (Wedding Dress Girl) gets a rose. Meh. I'm not a Lindsay fan.

Leslie gets the final one on one date where they're frolicking in some beautiful location and come upon head-sized avocados. Leslie talks about past fools who have said "I love you" so soon and, guess what? Now she's one of those fools!

Sean later meets with Shay, his sister, for some feedback. While this is happening, Tierra is having an all out brawl with AshLEE because she believes AshLEE sabotaged her relationship with Sean. A lot was said but some of my favorite lines went kind of like this:

"My parents said I have a sparkle and that I shouldn't let anyone take it away from me!"

"I don't have any control over my face!"

"I can't smile all day!"

"I don't have any control over my eyebrow!"

"Men love me!"

"Girls are jealous!"

Damn those pesky eyebrows. They have a mind of their own. Tierra's has it's own Twitter account. You can't hold that eyebrow down.

AshLEE commands Tierra to go to her cot and Tierra storms off fake crying. Sean comes to get Tierra to meet his sister so she can tell him how crazy Tierra is but Tierra is so fake upset, he has second thoughts. As Tierra is crying with no tears, Sean finally gets it. Your time is up, Tierra!

Sean basically tells Tierra, "I'm crazy about you. Now go home."

A lesson is learned (among many): A girl who can't get along with other girls isn't a girl for you, Sean.

And with the flick of her uncontrollable eyebrow, Tierra vows nobody will take her sparkle.

Is sparkle a euphemism for bi-polar disorder? Just wondering.

With all the drama, Sean is ready to cut.

And he cuts Leslie?

I have to admit here that she was one of my faves. I guess she was a little too confident and intelligent and there just weren't enough daddy issues or suicide in her past. I mean what kind of wife would she be without that?

Next week it's meet the family! And, apparently a fist fight breaks out? Oh, yeah, I forgot Sean's such a rule breaker.






3 comments:

  1. I've never watched The Bachelor but this cracks me up anyway. Lol. Tierra sounds like a catch!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey, new follower from the GFC blog hop. Looking forward to checking out your blog some more. :)

    xo,
    Kristin
    aboutagirl.ca

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yeah, Tierra was really off her rocker on this one. She wasn’t able to get an ambulance called due to some stairs or a freezing lake so the whole “the girls don’t like me, this is so hard for me” thing came up again. After a good talking to from AshLee and sister Shay he finally sees that she’s a big fake and sends her home. This will be the one and only time that I clap for Sean because that was a necessary step he needed to take. I watched a clip of the episode where she was eliminated in my office at DISH this week and it’s clear now that he made the best possible decision. I didn’t have the chance to catch it when it aired because I was still at work but I watched the new episode on my train ride home the following night. Thanks to the Hopper and DISH Anywhere I can turn my iPad into a TV to catch up on what I’ve missed. Now I can watch anything I want anywhere, anytime.

    ReplyDelete

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