The Bachelor: Chugging Goat's Milk Gets You Nothing

The Bachelor

Part 1 of 2

Chugging Goat's Milk Gets You Nothing


Tonight's Bachelor is the first of a two nighter. That's right, we have a double dose of Bachelor this week airing tonight and tomorrow night.

Let the fun begin!

Everyone gets to go to beautiful Montana!

When the girls reach the lodge and settle in they learn there will be three different types of dates - the group date, the one on one, and the two on one. And Lindsay is chosen for the coveted one on one date.

So what's awaiting Lindsay? A helicopter!

Come on! Seriously? Helicopters are old news on the Bachelor. Hope it's not stick!

Lindsay and Sean are whisked away to beautiful Montana scenery for a picnic in the mountains. It looks terribly cold but Lindsay is totally head over heels. Of course, she is.

Sean later takes her to a romantic dinner, a quick walk around the corner to an awaiting crowd and concert that Lindsay totally didn't even hear coming. They walk up to a podium where they slow dance amongst the random crowd. And then they slow dance some more. Because it's totally not awkward to slow dance while yelling over microphones for two or three songs, elevated over a well gathered crowd. That's what happened on my first date with my husband. That's never happened to you? Strange.

She gets a rose. {yawn}

Cut to the group date - my favorite!

But, it's not actually anybody's favorite on the show. Except for maybe Sean who gets to practice a lightening round at speed kissing.

Every time a girl's name is called for a group date instead of a one on one, she dies a little inside.

The group date included a pissed off Tierra, who deserves a one on one, Sean. And she'll show you why later.

This group date was a strange one. It had goats (yes, goats) in what looked like guillotines, saws, bumper canoes, a race, and chugging fresh, warm goat milk. Barf. I also think it was a good move NOT to include Tierra on a group date involving saws.


But these girls were hungry...er...thirsty...and ready to win. Desiree, Selma, Sarah, and Robyn ended up winning. The winners got a mini group date with Sean and the losers had to go home. 

The losers head home and sulk but then quickly learn that Sean is changing up the rules. It's his world and everyone is just living in it. He wants all the girls to join him during the date. So he re-invites all the losers and all the winners are mad. I mean, they did just drink a bunch of freshly squeezed goat juice to be with Sean. All for nothing.

Then things get interesting. Not to be left out, Crazy Tierra sneaks into the group date, ambushes Sean's interview, and garners herself some more time with Sean. Man, she's a go getter! And crazy. And a little insane. And maybe a little evil. Maybe a lot evil. Cue the Tierra cackle.

Tierra and Jackie share the one on one date and both of them think they're going on a date with their future husband. Tierra is fully prepared to take over the entire date with her horse and I'm quite confident she roofied Jackie's horse. Poor Jackie. Who is she again? She's awfully pretty but I've barely seen her!

Jackie later has one on one time with Sean. Note to future Bachelor contestants: Anytime you choose to spend your alone time with the Bachelor talking about other girls and why they suck it never works out in your favor.

Sure enough, Jackie didn't get a rose. Tierra, on the other hand, spilled about her former addict boyfriend who passed away and how she stood by him. Sean is still interested and she gets the rose and fireworks ensue. The rest of the girls watch from afar, disgusted.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, everyone is ready for the rose ceremony. Robyn is sick to death of Tierra and she's about to turn this into the "Bad Girls' Club." By "Bad Girls' Club" she means she is going to confront Tierra. Or talk to her. Or try to understand her. Or something. It turns into a bitch fest and, like the Honey Badger, Tierra don't care!


During this affirmation of true colors, Sean happens to walk by and witness the real Tierra. He's beginning to have second thoughts about her. However, none of the girls can really tell him about why Tierra is so awful.

At the end of the day Robyn did not get a rose.

But tomorrow night should be epic. Terrible Tierra and her crazy eyebrow strike again! You have to give her one thing - she is willing to do anything for time with Sean.

Let's see how far she throws her crazy tomorrow!

1 comment:

  1. LOVE this season of the Bachelor but I CANNOT stand Tierra!! I hope Ashlee wins :)

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